Surviving the flight

 

Surviving the flight

“Go to gate” said the overhead screen as we drank our coffee in the departure lounge. We know what that means so we did not hurry to finish the coffee but slowly wandered to the gate and saw what we expected. A queue had already formed even after the departure attendant had said that boarding would not start for ten minutes.

However, I have learnt to watch this departure official in the past. Just before announcing boarding, they go down to the aircraft to check all is ready. As there were a few seats left from persons choosing to queue we sat down and watched.

Sure enough she returned and announced that they would be boarding families with children first. Did this deter the queue, not at all and the young families had to push their way to the front to board. A sort of rugby scrum approach.

Then she declared they would be boarding the rear seating passengers first and again the queue remained, and everyone pushed and shoved to get through irrespective of seat number. We waited until most persons had boarded knowing that overhead baggage space might now be limited.

Boarding is a stop go experience as persons find their seat extract their belongings and gear for the flight and restow their bag in the overhead bins. No amount of pleas from the flight attendant to sit down asap changes that. Everyone has their own pace. Experience has taught me to extract my book and gear as I walk down the aisle so I can sling my bag in a vacant space in the overhead bin and move straight into my seat without disturbing too many people. However, we had a plan.

From past experience we had learnt that in three rows of seats it could be a problem if one of the passengers was overweight, nee fat and had the middle seat. They took over both arm rests and their wider than normal legs required them to spread their legs encroaching on adjacent passenger leg room. The result for others was an excruciating 3-hour torture scrunched up on your side trying to avoid the sweaty body next to you!

So, rather selfishly we book either adjacent aisle seats, easier for the loo trip or take the window and aisle seat leaving the middle seat vacant. That way we lesson the chance of it being used. However, it is an anxious time as you sit and observe the persons boarding. Oh no, not that tall wide man or I hope that lady with the crying baby does not want 10b. Whew, boarding complete is announced and we can settle down to a comfortable flight.

Then we are introduced to the safety briefing and no one I mean no one pays any attention! I do, where is my nearest exit and is there really a lifejacket under my seat. I have experienced once that was nothing there! Briefing complete, out comes the Kindle and noise cancelling headset and everything is fine.

Follow all the instructions for take-off and I must remind the person in front to open the window blinds and then the flight starts. A bumpy period that hushes most people but as soon as we are airborne and climbing the buzz of chatter increases. Pling, the seat belt signs signify we can release them if we wish, and café service will begin shortly and there is a rush for the toilet!

Another thing I have learnt is that if you have a seat towards the rear, it is a gamble whether there will be any warm baguettes left. Seating nearer the front increases the chance of food choice.

Chose coffee and was pleasantly surprised to find it was free so no body contortion to extract my wallet from my back pocket.

If you have the window seat it might be possible to get glimpses of the earth below depending on the weather and as a past geographer, it is always a pleasure to try and identify the area below. Is that Denmark and was that the east coast of the UK? A real pleasure to ancient mariners.

Three hours pass and the pilot announces we will be landing in 20 minutes, and we should follow the instructions of the flight attendant. So my mental planning starts on how we will survive the hurdle of arrival!