The supermarket run

For pensioners

As pensioners we constantly adapt to keep up with daily life. Such is the case with supermarkets. No longer is it easy to find a friendly local butcher, greengrocer, or baker. We shop in a giant warehouse, often out of town, that they call either a shopping centre or a supermarket. This requires different strategies to successfully complete our purchases that fit our needs and pocket.

Timing is also important. Avoid the commuter rush and especially the “after work” peak to the supermarket. Late morning, early afternoon is best, there is more parking space!

Parking is the next challenge. Do I need to find an automat, have I got the right app or is it all done automatically by cameras. Getting it right is important to avoid a heavy fine.

Is this a big shop requiring a trolley or a small shop where a basket is enough. The result of the decision determines whether you can use the “self-checkout” or not. No trollies in self-checkout. Today it is a basket shop.

The one-way system for walking in the shopping centre has been abolished now covid is no longer a threat and we do not need to wear masks anymore, good job really as I have forgotten mine.

Am I ready for this expedition? Yes, mobile in left pocket, glasses in the right pocket and wallet with shopping list in the back pocket, car keys in my jacket pocket. Time to enter the fray!

Push through the entry gate narrowly avoiding a determined lady pushing her empty trolly aggressively into the narrow entrance. Time to “gird my loins” and prepare for battle. Not sure where I got that phrase from, but it seems appropriate to this challenge.

Get a clean basket without paper advertisements in it and step outside of the mainstream of people to plan my route through the supermarket. The best place to do this is by the bread shelves. OK, best to start with our meal today as often there are queues around the meat and fish counters and especially the cooked foods. There is not a queue but a lot of people pushing against the long counter trying to attract the attention of a counter person! Not sure that is the right term for someone behind the fish counter, but it will do. Next, shouts one of these persons and I raise my hand but to no avail as the young upwardly mobile lady with sunglasses perched on the top of her head behind me shouts “me” and pushes in front. So the battle has started. Shall I complain? No, not worth it let her go and then perhaps I can get the fresh fish wok in front of me. First item on the list completed so retire to plan the next move. As it is a basket on my arm it is important to leave the heavy objects until the last so it will be “pålegg”, the things you put on your bread or Ryvita. Today we need ham and cheese. Problem is ham is in one location and cheese in another! There are hundreds of hams in plastic wrappers, not only ham but turkey, beef, chicken, and some of indeterminate origin. What to choose? Should I use price as a guide or not. Impulsively I grab the nearest packet of slices of ham and quickly vacate the space as a “browser” nudges me with his trolley, a clear sign I am in his way.

Having been here before I have a good navigation plan in my head, first fruit, then vegetables and finally milk and juice, the heavy items. Wait a minute there are two other items, mango chutney and desiccated coconut. Where on earth are they? Those overhead signs are no good either as they are so general. Will mango chutney be in “Asian foods” or spices and herbs” and desiccated coconut in “baking” or “spices” wherever that is. Must ask for assistance. Now there is a challenge. I have often found myself addressing a customer rather than an employee by mistake! Must look for the uniform. Start scouting around the aisles and find someone stacking goods on shelves. Just as I reach them and wait patiently for him to finish and turn around, one of those military type pensioners with moustache and chequered shirt over a worn jacket shouts “you there, where is the butter section”? The reply is interesting. Try section 8 over there the employee shrugs and responds. No thank you from the military type just a shrug of the shoulders and some unheard comment as he stalks off. The employee turns to me and asks, “How can I help you? Follow me he responds to my question and takes me to both sites I had visited earlier and points out the products! I felt such an idiot not spotting them before but there are so many bottles and packages to scrutinise.

Shopping list completed and basket now heavy I navigate towards self-checkout. I head into a free station and plop my basket down on. I never know which side I should place the basket as someone once told me they weigh the basket and contents and compare it with what you move over to the other side. However, I am not sure this is true as I had bread from the bread shop and I did not get a red light, a warning or intervention by a watchful supervisor. Relatively easily go through the basket followed by beeps as each product is identified and priced. Then the dreaded moment, the bar code cannot be read, and the identifying digital code underneath the product is too small and unreadable. Press the help button, and an overhead flashing red summons the supervisor and makes me somewhat conspicuous and feeling like an idgit. With quick movements through the online menu my product is found and registered. That only leaves those fruit and vegetables without bar codes. Problem is there are many banana items, and I cannot identify the loose ones I chose. Click for the first one, hoping it is right and move on. Time to pay and respond that I need one plastic bag feeling a little guilty that I did not choose paper bags or that I forgot to bring a bag from home. Payment with Google pay, and my mobile is so much simpler than dragging out credit cards and scanning them. Pick up my bag and receipt and us it to exit the supermarket exhausted. What I need now is a large flat white coffee and a sticky bun!